This Mile Is a Liar

I recently read an article in Runner's World that said you should have a mantra when you run. I can't remember when or where I heard this line but it's been my mantra since I heard it: The first mile is a liar. 

I've since modified it to become personalized: this mile is a liar because while the first mile often lies, I've had many other miles lie to me as well. 

I took a five week forced/laziness hiatus from running. When I tied my shoes back on, boy did that first mile tell a whopper of a lie right to my running ego. It felt so good to be out on the road that while I was planning on only going three miles, I decided to go five instead. I hate being lied to, and at mile three I felt the sting of betrayal. Unfortunately, I was still two miles from home and had to get back. I hung my head in shame (not really) and walked/ran the last two miles home. 

I've had other first miles lie to me by telling me how bad a run will be. The first mile acts as a fortune teller, and is often just as accurate. I've felt so horrible in the first mile that I've considered abandoning a run, when in reality, once that lying mile was over, I was able to finish 8 or 9 miles. 

But here is the thing, it's not always the first mile that is the liar, any mile can lie. And here is when my mantra kicks in. I have to repeatedly tell myself this mile is a liar.  And I have to say it again and again until I've run right over that lying mile. 

On my last six mile run, I thought a lot about this mantra, and even used it a little. But what I really was thinking about was how the same mile often lies to me in life too. I've been in many situations that were just a lying mile. 

Whether I'm arguing with my husband, struggling with my kids, having a hard day on the job, or just frustrated by life,  they are all just "lying miles" because it doesn't last and I'm always stronger than I think I am to get through the situation. 

While I've learned a lot about myself since becoming a runner, this was one time, through one mantra, that I learned a little more about life: this mile (in life) is a liar. So, whether it is lying by overinflating my ego or lying by making me think I can't handle something when I can, as with running, I'll run over that "lying mile"!

Finally

It has been forever since I've run. With the time change and work I just haven't hit the road. Also, I just lost some of that running spark. It was all work and no joy.

I have been cross-training and it has been a fun challenge to work out muscles that haven't been worked out for a long, long time. I ran twice that I can remember in the last 2 months and they were just ok, they were nothing memorable, they got the job done. And while I always feel good after a run, something was still missing. 

I knew I had to more run and soon. My husband, other family, and I are running a race in May. I was nervous I wouldn't be ready. I logically knew about muscle memory, but I wanted the "fun" and "joy" memory to return. That's what's been missing and I was not sure if it would come back.

The joy finally came back. I got in two runs, both were manageable miles, both were with a running friend, and both had beautiful scenery. Both were filled with joy. 

I've said before that sometime when I've had a really good run, I can't stop talking about it. I knew it was an awesome run because I was back to talking my husband's ear off. And because of that non-stop talking feeling I now know I'm ready for my upcoming race. Finally. 

Today, I didn't run.

After completing two 1/2 marathons, one which was so-so, and one which was great, I had one more that I was supposed to complete...today. And yet today, I didn't run. I have a ton of reasons why I choose not to participate in the race and it was a difficult decision to make. Although the decision was made a few weeks ago, I wasn't sure how I'd feel about it today. 

Making the decision to not run was extremely difficult. I had to consult two very important runners in my life to help me solidify my decision. It was a decision made with tears, made with an uncertain heart, made with doubt, but in the end, it was a decision made without regret. 

The hours it took me to train were just too many hours away from my family and no longer any fun anyway. The race weekend was putting a damper on celebrating my husband's birthday in style. And the race parking, time, organization, etc., was becoming so stressful that I just could no longer remember why I wanted to do this race in the first place. I began running as a challenge and for the joy. I do not run to add more stress to my life, and yet that is all this race was becoming, miserable and stressful.  I realize that for me, right now, 10ks are more my style, so I'll return to running those. I'll mix in a little cross-training, something that hasn't been happening. And I'll even do some 5ks with my friends and family for fun. It's time for me to feel joy when running again. 

Today, my husband happened to drive me right by the race, and I saw all the finishers. While I could have stared at them with sadness and regret, I instead stared at them with pride. Pride that they finished such a great accomplishment, because I've been there and that is all any runner deserves. Pride at attempting something so challenging, even if the challenge is not running.