Today, I didn't run.

After completing two 1/2 marathons, one which was so-so, and one which was great, I had one more that I was supposed to complete...today. And yet today, I didn't run. I have a ton of reasons why I choose not to participate in the race and it was a difficult decision to make. Although the decision was made a few weeks ago, I wasn't sure how I'd feel about it today. 

Making the decision to not run was extremely difficult. I had to consult two very important runners in my life to help me solidify my decision. It was a decision made with tears, made with an uncertain heart, made with doubt, but in the end, it was a decision made without regret. 

The hours it took me to train were just too many hours away from my family and no longer any fun anyway. The race weekend was putting a damper on celebrating my husband's birthday in style. And the race parking, time, organization, etc., was becoming so stressful that I just could no longer remember why I wanted to do this race in the first place. I began running as a challenge and for the joy. I do not run to add more stress to my life, and yet that is all this race was becoming, miserable and stressful.  I realize that for me, right now, 10ks are more my style, so I'll return to running those. I'll mix in a little cross-training, something that hasn't been happening. And I'll even do some 5ks with my friends and family for fun. It's time for me to feel joy when running again. 

Today, my husband happened to drive me right by the race, and I saw all the finishers. While I could have stared at them with sadness and regret, I instead stared at them with pride. Pride that they finished such a great accomplishment, because I've been there and that is all any runner deserves. Pride at attempting something so challenging, even if the challenge is not running.