This Mile Is a Liar

I recently read an article in Runner's World that said you should have a mantra when you run. I can't remember when or where I heard this line but it's been my mantra since I heard it: The first mile is a liar. 

I've since modified it to become personalized: this mile is a liar because while the first mile often lies, I've had many other miles lie to me as well. 

I took a five week forced/laziness hiatus from running. When I tied my shoes back on, boy did that first mile tell a whopper of a lie right to my running ego. It felt so good to be out on the road that while I was planning on only going three miles, I decided to go five instead. I hate being lied to, and at mile three I felt the sting of betrayal. Unfortunately, I was still two miles from home and had to get back. I hung my head in shame (not really) and walked/ran the last two miles home. 

I've had other first miles lie to me by telling me how bad a run will be. The first mile acts as a fortune teller, and is often just as accurate. I've felt so horrible in the first mile that I've considered abandoning a run, when in reality, once that lying mile was over, I was able to finish 8 or 9 miles. 

But here is the thing, it's not always the first mile that is the liar, any mile can lie. And here is when my mantra kicks in. I have to repeatedly tell myself this mile is a liar.  And I have to say it again and again until I've run right over that lying mile. 

On my last six mile run, I thought a lot about this mantra, and even used it a little. But what I really was thinking about was how the same mile often lies to me in life too. I've been in many situations that were just a lying mile. 

Whether I'm arguing with my husband, struggling with my kids, having a hard day on the job, or just frustrated by life,  they are all just "lying miles" because it doesn't last and I'm always stronger than I think I am to get through the situation. 

While I've learned a lot about myself since becoming a runner, this was one time, through one mantra, that I learned a little more about life: this mile (in life) is a liar. So, whether it is lying by overinflating my ego or lying by making me think I can't handle something when I can, as with running, I'll run over that "lying mile"!

Finally

It has been forever since I've run. With the time change and work I just haven't hit the road. Also, I just lost some of that running spark. It was all work and no joy.

I have been cross-training and it has been a fun challenge to work out muscles that haven't been worked out for a long, long time. I ran twice that I can remember in the last 2 months and they were just ok, they were nothing memorable, they got the job done. And while I always feel good after a run, something was still missing. 

I knew I had to more run and soon. My husband, other family, and I are running a race in May. I was nervous I wouldn't be ready. I logically knew about muscle memory, but I wanted the "fun" and "joy" memory to return. That's what's been missing and I was not sure if it would come back.

The joy finally came back. I got in two runs, both were manageable miles, both were with a running friend, and both had beautiful scenery. Both were filled with joy. 

I've said before that sometime when I've had a really good run, I can't stop talking about it. I knew it was an awesome run because I was back to talking my husband's ear off. And because of that non-stop talking feeling I now know I'm ready for my upcoming race. Finally. 

Today, I didn't run.

After completing two 1/2 marathons, one which was so-so, and one which was great, I had one more that I was supposed to complete...today. And yet today, I didn't run. I have a ton of reasons why I choose not to participate in the race and it was a difficult decision to make. Although the decision was made a few weeks ago, I wasn't sure how I'd feel about it today. 

Making the decision to not run was extremely difficult. I had to consult two very important runners in my life to help me solidify my decision. It was a decision made with tears, made with an uncertain heart, made with doubt, but in the end, it was a decision made without regret. 

The hours it took me to train were just too many hours away from my family and no longer any fun anyway. The race weekend was putting a damper on celebrating my husband's birthday in style. And the race parking, time, organization, etc., was becoming so stressful that I just could no longer remember why I wanted to do this race in the first place. I began running as a challenge and for the joy. I do not run to add more stress to my life, and yet that is all this race was becoming, miserable and stressful.  I realize that for me, right now, 10ks are more my style, so I'll return to running those. I'll mix in a little cross-training, something that hasn't been happening. And I'll even do some 5ks with my friends and family for fun. It's time for me to feel joy when running again. 

Today, my husband happened to drive me right by the race, and I saw all the finishers. While I could have stared at them with sadness and regret, I instead stared at them with pride. Pride that they finished such a great accomplishment, because I've been there and that is all any runner deserves. Pride at attempting something so challenging, even if the challenge is not running. 

Thankful

A typical running week is one long run (8-9 miles) and two short runs (3 miles each) for a total of 14-15 miles per week. 

However, this week we were preparing for Thanksgiving and I just didn't have the time to complete that 9 mile run, so I created a series of descending runs (6 miles, 5 miles, 4 miles, and finally 3 miles) for a total of 18 miles per week. 

This descending series was so much fun: 

* Okay, so the 6 miler was just a normal run, but 6 miles is one of my favorite distances. 

* The five miler Mike dropped me off and I ran home so I got to run through a different part of town and listen to the new album of my favorite band. It's the simple things when running. 

* The 4 miler ended up being all uphill, no kidding. I planned on one huge, major uphill, knowing I could recover on the downhill. Then I anticipated the rest of the run would be flat. However, I took a wrong turn and ended up in a park that was a series of 8 switchbacks, which you guessed it, were all uphill! After pausing to take photos of the gorgeous view I headed back down the switchbacks. Now I could have run flat road home but I figured I'd done so many hills already, what was one last hill? So I turned to run back up and down that original huge, massive hill one more time. It was so amazing and powerful to run all those hills. I kept hearing my aunt's voice that says hills make you faster. I loved every minute of it. 

* The last run, the 3 miler was equally as great. It was more uphills, but my aunt was right, I was so much faster (It works like that, right? ;) ). After cresting a huge ridge, I ran a long stretch of a downhill and actually hit a 9 minute mile (which is fast for me). Coming back was a long, long uphill as I ran back to the ridge. However once I made it over the ridge it was downhill again for 1/2 mile and I ran as fast as I could and finished at a 7:52 pace (WOW). What an amazing, fast run! 

(View from the ridge)

As I finished my series today, I was so thankful for such a fun and invigorating set of runs. I was thankful for the hills and the power and strength to conquer each one. I was thankful for legs that could carry me faster than I thought possible. And I was thankful for a family that supports me while I'm out doing all this running. 

Am I crazy? I can't decide.

I recently completed my first 1/2 marathon. If you stood within ten feet of me the week following, then I'm sure I bored you to death with all the details. 

When I was done I felt great, except for one toe, an especially horrid runner's toe. The toe was so injured that I said I might not do another 1/2 marathon. I said it might be better to just end on a great race. I said I had until February to decide (since that's the next race I actually paid for). 

I've spent these last two weeks not running much. I did a five miler with my dog that I walked part of and a six miler (that felt great) today. That's it. No mid-week runs, nothing. Needless to say, if I plan on more 1/2 marathons, I need to have better dedication to maintain my base. 

During these two weeks I've also spent some time looking for a fun Santa 5k. Something quick and easy. Instead what I found was a Santa 1/2 marathon in an awesome setting (Knotts). There are holiday cookies and candy along the way, and of course, the main reason I run, a medal. As I sat looking at the race's website, I forgot all about the promises to my toe and the doubts in my mind. 

I looked at a calendar to see if it was even possible to train in time (it is). I thought about running for 2 hours and 26 minutes again (it didn't seem THAT long, did it? I don't remember). I thought about if I could do it without my family standing there (I'm not sure). And yet, I thought, I still might. I still might want to put myself through the time, the training, and the pain (sorry toe). 

Since I can't decide, anyone want to weigh in? Should I or should I not? Any comments or input to help my undecided brain?

These are a few of my favorite things

In case I didn't mention, I'm not loving this 1/2 marathon training. I'm not finding joy in the journey. I'm not excited to get up and face the challenge. I don't feel like it's making me into a different person. But today, as I finished my training, my final long run before the race, I I wanted to make sure I actually noticed some good things on my run. Here are my favorites, in no particular order:

1. Egrets and ducks playing in the water

2. Runners that smile as wave as they pass

3. Familiar road markers and signs

4. A pile of foam taller than me 

5. The spot where the riverbed meets the ocean and lush trees and plants show up

7. A jumping fish that jumped 5 times in a row

8. The look on the cop's face when I told him how far I'd gone

9. My hand touching Main Street at the end

10. My husband's truck in the parking lot waiting to give me a ride home

Even in the bad, there is good. I know this, it's true in life and it's true on a run. So I'll remember that and keep am eye out for amazing things as I run my first 1/2 marathon next weekend. Wish me luck. 

First ten-miler in a year

I'm still in training for my first 1/2 marathon and it's not going well. I have found that running 7 miles is what I consider the threshold of a fun run. I'll enjoy an 8 mile run as a challenge. A 9 mile run I might need encouragement. But a ten mile run? A ten mile run is mentally miserable. 

I can't seem to find any enjoyment in ten miles (or even 9 really). It's exhausting before it begins. There is so much pre-planning involved: fueling options, water options, proper dress, right music, podcast or audiobook to listen to, etc. ).

The smallest irritation becomes monumental problems when you're running ten miles. Today's problems were ear buds that refused to stay in my ears and an adverse reaction to my fueling choice. That's the reason for the part 1 and part 2 of my run. I had a 1/2 mile walking break to recover from my fuel reaction. 

I have more training miles to go and one more 1/2 marathon in the works. I'm not sure what my lesson is in all this misery. I'm not a quitter, so the misery will continue for a few more weeks and then I can be happy running my 7 miles again (until training ramps up again). 

Whatever the lesson is, I commit to finishing this miserable training so I can cross the finish line of my 1/2 with a smile on face.