Day 8: Silence

I very rarely run by myself. Since September, I've had a running partner when I run after work and other times I run with a podcast or running playlist in my ears. I usually don't run with my own thoughts. Many runners tell you this is a benefit of running, a time to clear your head and learn about yourself, and I'm sure for many people it is. However, if I am not distracted, I might remember that I'm running and remember how far I have to go, so usually I block it all out. 

This steak is supposed to be challenging and reflective. So today I thought I'd run with just myself and my own thoughts; I'd run in the silence. But apparently, my brain just can't be silent. My first thought was that it was cold and then I immediately thought how ridiculous that was compared to other regions of the country. We are lucky to have nice weather year round, and I really like the cold weather, but it does take my muscles longer to get warmed up. 

My next thoughts turned to work. I had tried for a new position at work and didn't get it. I have no regrets and am proud I put myself out there, but during the run I thought about what I could have said, or what it would be like to interview for another district or what I could be doing better in my classroom or how I could make lessons that were more engaging to my kids, or what my lunch group will talk about tomorrow. Yes, I know that is a run on sentence, but that's how my thoughts work when I run. 

That train of thought took me through the first mile. I then decided on the fly to do one more mile. That second mile was filled with self-doubt. Why do I run? Should I have done this second mile? Why do I run? Who thought this streak was a good idea? Can I keep improving? Why do I run?

I didn't come up with all the answers but I decided  that I run to make myself better, both mentally and physically. I run to prove to my kids you can be an athlete at any age. I streak because once I set a goal, I stick with it. And I ran that second mile because I could! 

I still don't like running in the silence, but I'm open to wrestling with my thoughts once in a while.